The selection of Sarah Palin, Governor, Mayor, Hockey Mom as the Republican Vice Presidential candidate is inspiring. Where else but in America could someone just like us, like me, for that matter, find herself, overnight, the nominee for the second-highest office in the country and in the line of succession to be the leader of the free world? Her story, the rise from being an ordinary member of the Wasilla PTA to becoming the standard-bearer of the Republican Party is my story, is all of our stories really.
In fact, not only could I have been the Vice Presidential nominee, I should have been. And since there are undoubtedly Cabinet offices to be filled in the McCain Administration I would like to publish my credentials, along with my contact information, so President McCain will know how to reach me.
Here then are the reasons I am qualified to be the Vice President of the United States – or a member of the McCain Palin administration.
- I served on the Board of the Pluckemin Church nursery school
- I was a Girl Scout troop leader – and served a year as the cookie Mom which makes me an expert in supply chain management (for Bridgewater New Jersey, which by the way is bigger than Wasilla Alaska)
- I ran the Holiday Boutique at the Hamilton School , and I would like to point out that my use of the word “holiday” - instead the Judeo-Christian term – shows my extreme sensitivity to cultural diversity. Secretary of State? You be the judge.
- I have traveled to France within the past two years so I will be able to speak with President Sarkozy or more importantly with Carla Bruni who we all know wears the pants there.
- I have bought things on eBay.
- I have been a soccer mom.
- I have at least 5 lipsticks in my purse.
- I didn’t have a cool nickname in high school but I did win the Betty Crocker Homemaker of the Year award
- I have had a library card for the past 25 years.
However, since America is a meritocracy, I believe that the best man, or woman should get the job. So I am willing to stack my credentials up against anyone’s and I invite you to post your resume here so that the McCain Palin Administration, in fact all of America will see the abundant pool of talent that is waiting to run the most powerful nation on the planet.
May the best (wo)man win.
14 comments:
I too believe I am qualified for this VP position. My short-list credentials are listed below. For the long-list please email me and we can schedule an interview.
-I am currently a kindergarten teacher and am very capable of bringing together several individuals with minimal attention spans & varying agendas to work towards a common goal (congress maybe?)
-I am African-American (black/brown) and this means I know everything there is to know about diversity and the entire black community, clearly.
-I survived 4 harsh Maine winters which I believe shows my perseverance in very trying situations.
-I used to play rugby (this shows my hardcore-ness)
-I survived hurricane IKE.
This concludes the short-list.
I too would like to include my name as a potential candidate for VP. I have included my list of credentials below:
-In the fifth grade I attempted to rescue a baby squirrel, a clear demonstration of animal activism.
-I was class president in High School, and rarely used this title for my own personal gain... A demonstration of my ability to handle the fame and pressure of such an exposed and important position with humility.
-I have dieted before, and know what it means to be hungry - creating an empathy to the devastating reality of hunger in third world countries. In addition, when I was a child, and trick-or-treated door to door, I was willing to carry that orange Oxfam box... Clearly, familiar and willing to be the solution to other countries challenges of hunger and devastation.
-I have always been committed to democracy- demonstrated by my willingness to vote on reality TV programs, such as American Idol.
-Most importantly, in High School I participated in Mock Congress, and won an award... This clearly means not only am I capable of a political position, but even that I am better than everyone else. (Deemed such by the reliable source- 18 year old college students running the Mock Congress)
Please contact me for additional information.
Wow! Already there are people who are much more qualified for the job! What a surprise.
Well I’m 20 and Black/brown also so I think I may be qualified too... to be Vice President of the United States... Here are my credentials:
- I am 52 years younger than McCain... shouldn't that be enough... Like really...
-I met Queen Elizabeth and I got A- in my International Conflict/Negotiation classes... hmm that should cover my experience in Foreign Policy
- I have successfully made about 4 batches of cookies in my life... Also if that doesn’t fulfill the ‘mom’ criteria- I have ran 2 bake sales and 2 dinner parties in the last year by myself…….still don’t think I fulfill the criteria.. You try being one of 19 children……
- So I don’t have the soccer mom … criteria…. But I’m sure a soccer sister makes the cut…..
- I am secretary of my class council
- This would be my second year as a Residential Assistant (RA)……so can we say I’m the an expert in people relations/ conflict resolution/mediation
(Sound of drums)…. Pick me for VP!! :)… no really I’m serious!!
Okay, so I'm not technically old enough to be Vice President and because I can't legally succeed the President in the event of his death because I am not yet 40. This strikes me as heroically unjust because I am minimally as qualified to be the Vice President as Sara Palin
- I live in Alaska and can filet, gill and gut a fish. I can not field dress a moose yet, but I know several people who can I do not believe it will be difficult to learn. I have shot a shotgun at least once and believe I can bring the NRA along on any ticket I'm on.
-I have sat through several Town Meetings all over the state of Massachusetts. Town meetings are generally an 8 hour discussion of all the minute civil ordinances that govern small town life. I never once killed anyone with a wrench.
-I attended the same college for 6 years.
- I once ran a episcopal church youth groups. We built houses for poor people, and gleaned apple fields. I've worked this teenagers whom I believe are marginally more mature than Congressmen and Senators.
- I never bit anyone as a child.
As if my credentials aren't obvious already:
- I believe my high school superlative speaks for itself: Most Likely to Rule the World.
- I live in Washington, DC. Which gives me the distinct advantage of knowing such important things as where the White House is actually located.
- I too have Tina Fey eye glasses. They don't have lenses persay, but the frames are awesome and I believe will make me seem more intelligent when dealing with foreign Heads of State.
- When 8 years old, I tried to save a rat from brink death, which not only shows my devotion to animal rights, but also shows my willingness to help those deemed undesirable.
- I drove across the country in a Prius with a dreamcatcher hanging from the rear view mirror. Go Green or go home!
- I've pet a pitbull and a hockey mom simultaneously while applying lipstick.
- I am student of history who has studied the evils of imperialism, so I can tell when a "great idea" is going to flop.
- I've read Freakonmics, which makes me an expert in solving our current economic strife.
- I have never lost a game of Trivial Pursuit which has caused others to dub me, The Insufferable Know It All, a title I shall wear proudly as Vice President.
- I am known for my handshake. Not to firm, but not a dead fish.
I also must throw my hat in the ring for Republican VP. It would be a disservice to our nation if I didn't.
The bank accounts that I (just me) control personally for my company add up to more than the budget Sarah Palin controlled for the ENTIRE state of Alaska.
I've lived and worked in CT for 5 years now. John McCain and I can relate since he too had a similar experience.
I have had a passport for 10 years longer than Ms. Palin. I also have traveled to many more foreign countries.
Perhaps her life-time NRA membership accounts for why she forced her daughter into a shotgun wedding. I know the NY Daily News wrote a nice profile piece on Levi Johnson including such gems as his hockey stats and a description (He's a superhunky bad-boy ice hockey player from cold country...)
It looks like he unintentionally slipped one past the goalie here..
I believe in Evolution. I think from here on out that should be a necessary qualification for gaining the nomination from a major party.... just a thought...
Sarah Palin does have one qualification that I lack. She meets the prerequisite 35 year age limit. I'm hoping that the GOP will just take an average of the whole McCain/McBain ticket and just say we're each 47 1/2.
PS. LiLo hates Sarah, but adores me....'nuf said.
I forgot to mention my experience in Diplomacy, problem solving, and delivering results to the people.
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I'm actually not interested in running this year, but would likely consider the nomination in years to come. Let's say I'm running in 2012. I'll give you a preview of what's to come in 2012.
I was a hand model which may not seem as glamorous as a beauty queen, but keep in mind I did it for a science textbook. In addition to having some amount of glamor associated with it, this also demonstrates how smart I must be.
I have never lost at the game Risk and have shown quite an ability to make pacts with others while playing.
In every other board game I play, people are often impressed with my competitive nature.
I have many friends in minority groups (including friends who are gay, black, and Jewish).
I own two cats...both adopted...
While I have never bit anyone on purpose, I did once break a girls shoulder on purpose....while playing basketball. This makes me pretty much like a pit bull or barracuda. Either one works for me.
I also spit on someone's dog once. When the owner retaliated by spitting on me, I was able to run away before crying thereby showing my true inner-strength.
I've tried many new food recently and enjoyed them.
I'm 6'2'' (that should count for something)
Finally, I too have traveled to Mexico and Canada. In addition, I've also traveled extensively in Texas which will serve me invaluably in fixing bipartisanship.
By 2012, I will also have read Freakonomics, bought and worn lipstick, and have had a passport for 4 years.
Although a man, I still consider myself a viable candidate for vice president of the United States. My qualifications and experience should be obvious to anyone who meets me but for those who have not yet had the pleasure, here’s why I could be your second in command…
• I was a boy scout for almost three weeks – providing me with insight into the operation of paramilitary organizations that discriminate against gays
• I was born and have lived for over 50 years – hence I believe I am pro-life
• Some women have rejected me, others have given me a chance – hence I believe I’m also pro-choice (as long as it’s the right one)
• I was an altar boy for a month-and-a half – demonstrating my belief in God: especially one who wants me to dress up in a funny outfit and keep my mouth shut (if you know what I mean)
• I am against pit bulls – with or without lipstick
• I once came in second in a sixth grade declamation contest – I need another chance
• I can use a computer – as a paperweight, office decoration, to run my fantasy team
• Last, I was the captain of the milk monitors AND of the outdoor crossing guards in my middle school and while accused, I was never actually convicted of any of the petty allegations my rivals on the student council made regarding the exchange of chocolate milk for hall passes.
I appreciate your consideration and would be available to serve once the range of the ankle bracelet is extended.
I left out two critical pieces to my extensive CV:
1. I was safety monitor in the fourth grade and am skilled at picking out people with different ethnicities from myself. This will aide me not only in anti-terrorism efforts, but also in picking out my cabinet.
2. I was a piping plover monitor. Clearly, devoted to endangered species...or beaches. Pick one.
Have I mentioned that I have much more unique ideas on diversity than Sarah Palin...
- I one quarter Puerto Rican, or Quarterican, or J-Lo-Rican, depending on how you look at it. This makes me technically a minority, but one that is basically indistinguishable from a regular white person. I believe makes me the best type of minority from an election standpoint because then someone can feel good about voting for someone who is minority while not having to deal with all the psychological difficulties associated with voting for someone who is at all different from them.
- My minority friends are much more minority than everyone else's. Black friend, gay friend, Samoan friend, whatever totally passe. I have friends who are Yupik Eskimos, and I have one friend who is a gay Eskimo. I think I am the only person in the field that knows, let alone has befriended, a gay Eskimo and thus am the only person who can reach that small, but important, demographic.
-I am an experienced liar, seriously my friends and family will tell you that almost nothing I say can be trusted. How this qualifies me for the republican ticket is obvious.
- I was once the president of a literary society and debating union, and I can say that more nerds got laid under my administration that under any before or after. I can get smart people to breed, as opposed to semi-literate Alaskan hockey players.
-Sometimes when I laugh to hard, I pee a little bit, I'm just saying I can relate to the common man who are to embarrassed to admit they pee themselves sometimes.
- When I went to the prom I had a simalar hairdo to Sara Palin, I believe I can still find that hairdresser.
- I am sad to admit that I do believe in Evolution, the existence of George W Bush to the contrary. However, I also believe the CIA invented crack and crystal meth in 1982 in a secret lab in Oklahoma. I believe this equally crazy belief is sufficient to make me viable.
- I am not afraid of Germans.
Now that I think about it, I believe I too am qualified to be Vice President. For your consideration:
-for the better part of the last eighteen years, I have stayed home, raising children. This has prepared me for any kind of civil, social, economic or diplomatic crisis. Spend three months getting a hormonal high school senior girl ready for her prom, and you will understand...
-for the past seven years, I have worked as a full time babysitter for families not my own. When you can clean up someone else's kid's vomit, you can do anything.
-I am 100% Italian, which satisfies the "change" requirement. There has never been a paisan in the Oval Office (and I make a pretty good lasagna too).
-I grew up in New Jersey -- I have a thick skin and have had to learn to handle the boatload of verbal abuse this seems to inspire in people.
-While I have never hunted, I can and have baited my own hook while fishing, and I have visited Alaska (although full disclosure demands I admit I did not see a moose OR Russia).
-As proof that I can stand up to any enemy - foreign or domestic - for the past seventeen years I have lived as Yankee fan in the shadow of Fenway Park - enough said.
-I have a vagina -- apparently this is a relatively new addition to the list of what makes you qualified for this position.
Thank you for your consideration.
I regret to inform you that I am not a viable candidate for the Vice Presidency .
I do not have the necessary oratorical skills , as I come from a bipartisan family where Republicans and Democrats speak to each other and have actual debates on issues where the conversation rely on courtesy, civility and facts instead of innuendo and half truths and slams.
Unfortunately, my experiences include living in two foreign countries and travel in over 20 others, so my multicultural experiences would make me want to blink and go beyond the first ethnocentric reaction into diplomatic endeavors.
I could easily be labeled a "Washington insider" as I have traveled to DC 24 times, exploring and explaining the political culture to intellectually curious neophytes.
Unfortunately, a background check would expose the fact that I have taught sex education, using a curriculum that believes education leads to rational choices.
Finally, one must understand that my multiple degrees in history and politicalscience, with an emphasis on scholarship and a sincere belief in the complexity of issues, would alienate me from the voting public.
Due to these experiences, I am fully aware that I am not a viable candidate for VP of the Republican ticket and I must leave this opportunity to someone to whom the public can respond more favorably.
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